


i'm okay

by taylorstwice



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 2YEON - Freeform, Angst, F/F, Oks Lang Ako inspired, Pain of the Royal Ships, This is my start of rebellion, angsty as hell, this ain't gonna have a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27306166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice
Summary: Jeongyeon asks Nayeon to hug her three times and disappears.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	i'm okay

Jeongyeon sat all alone in her apartment, staring at the wall in front of her, her coffee left cold on the table. She scrunched her face in concentration, thinking too hard about something as she kept her tears at bay. When did Nayeon started slipping away? When did Nayeon let go of her hand in the first place? When did loneliness took Nayeon's spot beside her? When did she became so detached? Where did they go wrong? When did the path started getting blurry for Nayeon?  
  
She wondered what happened. She wondered where it’s going. Where her relationship was going. Cause she doesn’t know.  
  
She wondered where it started going down. She wondered where it went wrong.  
  
She doesn’t know anymore.  
  


* * *

  
Jeongyeon continued talking about her day as she moved around the room, putting her things in their proper place with Nayeon sitting inside the kitchen, glued to her phone. Her job for today was a bit hectic with most of the people going around looking for necessities needed for the pandemic and the upcoming quarantine and with the sudden surprise of people inside the convenience store, Jeongyeon was a bit worried earlier that she wouldn’t be able to reach Nayeon's favorite restaurant in time. Good thing the owner knew her and stayed open for another extra hour just for his favorite customers. Jeongyeon hung her coat on the coat rack, putting her bag on the couch as she rounded the furniture to finally rest her dying feet. She turned and peeped her head from the couch to look at Nayeon, seeing her girlfriend still staring at her phone, a faint ghost of a smile adorning her face.  
  
Seeing Nayeon smiling pushed Jeongyeon's tiredness away, making her stand up and trudge towards the older girl.  
  
Once she was beside the bunny, Jeongyeon cupped Nayeon's fluffy cheeks and gently turned her towards her, a loving smile on her face. Nayeon looks up from her phone and raised her eyebrows as if asking Jeongyeon what was up. Though a bit discouraged, Jeongyeon only passed it off as Nayeon being tired as well. She leaned in and pressed her lips on Nayeon's forehead, closing her eyes as she savored this sweet moment between them. She was waiting for Nayeon to put her arms around her waist and hug her, something she had always been doing ever since they became a couple. Nayeon always loved hugging the younger girl, her excuse being her wanting to be always near Jeongyeon.  
  
 **“Have you heard what I told you?”** Jeongyeon asked the older as she leaned away from the kiss. Nayeon gazed up to her guiltily and shook her head. Jeongyeon ignored the pang in her heart and covered it with a bright smile, ruffling Nayeon's hair in the same rhythm with her aching heart. **“It’s okay. You’re probably tired from work like me, huh? Come here.”**  
  
Nayeon could only nod as she kept her mouth shut, not able to say the reason why she wasn’t even paying attention to her girlfriend. She watched as Jeongyeon left her side, and Nayeon frowned when she couldn’t feel the irritation she feels before whenever Jeongyeon leaves her side. Jeongyeon left Nayeon's side and leaned over the couch, grabbing Nayeon's food that she bought from their favorite restaurant, an excited look on her face. She turned around in a jump and waved Nayeon's ice cream, catching Nayeon's attention. **“I bought your favorite ice cream!”**  
  
Nayeon flitted her eyes towards the food in hand, and then went back on her phone. **“Thanks Jeong. I’ll eat it later.”**  
  
The pain in Jeongyeon's heart started growing more at that point, and it was sad that the girl didn’t know that it wouldn’t leave starting from there.  
  


* * *

  
Silence filled the once lively apartment as Jeongyeon kept herself seated on the couch, watching the running TV as it played some random K-Drama that she doesn’t know. Nayeon was inside their room, probably on her phone again and Jeongyeon really wanted to go and be with her but she couldn’t. Not with this kind of thoughts running in her mind.  
  
She shook her head as she tried to pry away her attention from the growing itch in her heart, and followed her mind that yelled for her to go in her room and be with Nayeon.  
  
The room was also quiet when she stepped inside, and she sees Nayeon lying on the bed, hiding under the bed, the light from her phone peeking through the blankets. She wordlessly went and lied on the bed as well.  
  
For a while, it stayed like that. Just them lying beside each other yet treating like the other didn’t exist.  
  
Jeongyeon felt like everything changed.  
  
 _Even them._  
  
 **“Nayeonie.”** Jeongyeon desperately wanted to talk about what happened about last week, she wanted to tell the older girl that her reaction bothered her – scared her even. But she’s scared it might ignite a fight.  
  
Jeongyeon didn’t want fights. It reminded her of her _parents_.   
  
Nayeon turned around and faced her, not letting go of her phone. She raised her eyebrows again, and it irritated Jeongyeon when she was reminded of the same face from last week but she froze when she remembered another circumstance where Nayeon made the exact same face.  
  
And it scared her shitless.  
  
It reminded her of the times when Nayeon was still not into her.   
  
Back when Nayeon was not interested in her.  
  
When…Nayeon _wasn’t_ _in_ _love_ with her.  
  
She turned away and blinked her eyes in a rapid pace, trying to blink away the upcoming tears.  
  
When she was composed enough, she turned hesitantly, meeting Nayeon's back, the girl already back on her phone.  
  
 **“Hey Nayeon unnie.”** The said girl didn’t even turn, keeping her eyes on her phone. She hummed instead, not seeing Jeongyeon's faltering smile. **“C-Can you hug me?”**  
  
Without any questions asked, the older girl turned and scooted closer towards the girl, slipping her right arm between Jeongyeon's arm and torso, resting her cheek on Jeongyeon's as she let Jeongyeon hug her back. They stayed like that for some minutes, but Jeongyeon wondered why she felt so cold the whole time.  
  
It was like she wasn’t hugging anyone at all.  
  
It was like it wasn’t real, like they weren’t real anymore.  
  
After feeling that it was enough, that the hug she gave the girl was enough, Nayeon pulled away and turned away from Jeongyeon, as if nothing happened.  
  
Jeongyeon stared at Nayeon's back since then, her hand hanging in the air as she stopped herself from bothering the older girl.  
  
For the first time in their relationship, Jeongyeon felt like she was bothering Nayeon.  
  
Like Nayeon didn’t even like giving her the hug. Like she only felt obligated to hug her just because she asked.  
  
Not because she liked giving her one.  
  
And Nayeon _loved_ hugging Jeongyeon.  
  
Always.  
  
 _Loved_.  
  
 **“** **I want to dance with you!”** Jeongyeon yelled as she threw her phone on the couch as their favorite slow song started playing, and ran towards Nayeon who was in the kitchen, scrolling through her phone, just like what she always do whenever Jeongyeon comes home from work.  
  
The quarantine had started and they were now cooped up inside their apartment, fridge filled up with foods they can cook (though they might ask help from the couple next door).  
  
Jeongyeon spent half of the day reminiscing all the good moments she had with Nayeon in their four years together on the couch and she couldn’t help but miss them.  
  
At some point, she wished that she could go back in those times and just…stay there.  
  
With the reminiscing time brought this topic up, Jeongyeon missing dancing with Nayeon.  
  
It was all that they did in the first week when they moved in their apartment, waking up drunk on their living room floors, pizza boxes strewn around them. When Nayeon started to play music from her phone, Jeongyeon already had her arms open as Nayeon skipped towards her and they would dance. They would dance as if they finally reached the world they had wanted, where there was only Nayeon to Jeongyeon, and Jeongyeon to Nayeon.  
  
Jeongyeon _missed_ that world.  
  
It seemed like they’ve been out of that world for a while.  
  
 **“Come on! It’s been a long time since we’ve dance to this! Don’t you miss it?”** Jeongyeon wondered why she always asked the daring questions that holds the most painful answers. Nayeon didn’t answer her, instead she stood up quietly from her seat and approached Jeongyeon, sliding her fingers between Jeongyeon's, resting her chin on Jeongyeon's shoulder, her other arm wrapping itself around Jeongyeon's waist.   
  
She sighed quietly as she felt nothing while Jeongyeon hugged her close as she felt everything.  
  
Slowly, in beat with the rhythm, Jeongyeon started swaying them to the music.  
  
But something felt different.  
  
Everything…felt different.  
  
Yet Jeongyeon pushed it away, holding Nayeon closer to her, afraid of the reality. She pulled away briefly to put a kiss on Nayeon's cheek, before returning back on pressing her cheek against the one she kissed.  
  
Nayeon is her only anchor.  
  
 **“Jeongyeon, let’s stop.”**  
  
Jeongyeon's pretty sure her heart stopped beating as her whole body froze.  
  
 **“I’m getting tired.”**  
  
Though Nayeon was trying to pull away from the hold, Jeongyeon's arm on her back didn’t budge.  
  
 _Is she slipping away?_  
  
Jeongyeon couldn’t breathe.  
  
 **“** **Let’s dance some other time.”**  
  
Jeongyeon wondered when that other time would be.  
  
Nayeon finally got herself out of the hug – if it was even one – and went to their bedroom to get change so she could sleep, leaving Jeongyeon all alone in the living room, her arms still in the air as if Nayeon had never left.  
  
When she heard the bedroom door close, she closed her eyes as well as she imagined Nayeon's smiling face in front of her and suddenly she didn’t feel as empty as earlier. She started swaying again, a smile growing on her face as she kept this image of Nayeon in her mind.   
  
They’re still _dancing_.  
  
They’re still _in love_.  
  
They’re still _them_.  
  
Tears started streaming down her face yet she still danced.  
  
After dancing and crying all alone in the living room, Jeongyeon followed Nayeon in the bedroom to get ready for sleep as well.  
  
But before she got ready for bed, she wanted something from Nayeon.  
  
 **“Nabongs.”** The girl was still awake, using her phone on her side of the bed. She’s smiling again, and Jeongyeon recognized that smile as the smile she was imagining earlier.  
  
It broke her heart that she wasn’t the one putting it on Nayeon's face. **“Nabongieeee~”**  
  
Nayeon raised her head from the covers. **“What Jeong?”**  
  
 **“Let me hug you.”**  
  
The older girl shook her head. **“No.”**  
  
 **“Let me hug you!”**  
  
 **“** **Jeongyeon.”** Nayeon said her name so strangely, it felt so foreign in Jeongyeon's ears.  
  
 **“Let me hug you, Nabongs.”** Nayeon couldn’t even notice that Jeongyeon was practically begging.  
  
 **“Stop playing around, okay? I’m tired.”** Nayeon turned away from her and hid herself more under the blankets, leaving Jeongyeon waiting for her just by the foot of their bed.  
  
Nayeon didn’t want her _hugs_ anymore.  
  
And something struck Jeongyeon from years ago.  
  
  
  
**_“Let go of me!”_** _Jeongyeon said as she tried to pry Nayeon off of her._  
  
 ** _“No! I’ll only stop hugging you the day I fall out of love with you!”_** _Nayeon continued to wrap herself in Jeongyeon's arms, smiling happily._  
  
  
And from there, Jeongyeon realized that they would never get back in the world they created.  
  


* * *

  
Everything seemed to disappear from Nayeon. That occasional smile she always flash Jeongyeon with when the girl catches her attention, the frown she always wore when Jeongyeon teases her, or the sudden hugs she used to sprung at Jeongyeon when the girl's not on her guard, all of that, gone. She rarely showed emotions towards Jeongyeon, and the girl thinks that their relationship disappeared along with those things that went poof in second.  
  
Jeongyeon finds herself standing a few feet away from the love of her life, watching a scene that seems like that it was taken from a movie. 

The pandemic was over, and people can see each other again outside.  
  
It seems like the quarantine also took something from Jeongyeon as well.  
  
 _“Nabongs…can you…”_ Jeongyeon shakes as she smiles.  
  
 _“Hey Nayeon, can you hug me one last time?”_ Jeongyeon asks in her mind as she watches Nayeon smile. As she watches Nayeon laugh. So much louder than the times Jeongyeon made her laugh in the past four years. How the pain can bring her sorrowful joy, she doesn’t know. A tear slips from her eye but she quickly wipes it away. She continues to watch the two from afar.  
  
 _“Can you hug me one last time even if it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore? Can you?”_  
  
Jeongyeon can’t take her eyes off her girlfriend, she’s still beautiful.  
  
She has always been beautiful and she will always be beautiful. When she’s being petty, she’s still beautiful. When she’s being a sappy little kid, she’s still beautiful. When she’s being a crybaby, she’s still beautiful. Even when she’s hurting Jeongyeon to the point that the girl can’t take it anymore, she’s still beautiful. Even when she’s enjoying her time with someone else, someone not Jeongyeon…she’s still beautiful. She will never stop being beautiful in Jeongyeon's eyes, no matter how much pain she inflicts on her.  
  
Jeongyeon can’t stop it anymore, a few tears fall from her face again, and she might garner some attention, but she doesn’t really care. She smiles a small one, her hands shaking on her side. _“It’s okay. I can understand.”_ Her hands clench as Nayeon jumps up and down in front of the person she’s with, she releases a sigh as Nayeon wraps her arms around the person’s neck, putting her face on the crook of the person’s neck. _“I understand if you’re tired of all of this. Of us. Of me. I can understand. For you.”_ More tears fall but it seems like Jeongyeon can’t move anymore, her eyes transfixed on the scene in front of her. “ _I_ _can understand if you’re going to be happier with someone else.”_ A smile slips on her face again.  
  
 _“Be happy okay? Don’t think of me anymore.”_  
  
So Jeongyeon leaves with a pained smile and a broken heart, walking away from the painful sight, her tears now freely flowing down her face. _“I’m ready to forget you.”_  
  
 _“I’m okay.”_  
  
 _“I’ll stay here.”_  
  
 _“I’m okay.”_  
  


* * *

  
Nayeon opens the door of their apartment quietly, looking around to see if a was home or not. She walks inside the place with her bag, still quite in the blissful mode from the happy day she had. She stops on her tracks when she notices the absence of things inside the living room, or the lack of noise from a very known girl. She remembers that Jeongyeon told her that she’d be home the whole day, so the lack of sound disturbed the older girl.  
  
The first thing that she noticed missing was Jeongyeon's shoes by the doorway, next was her yellow umbrella that she always wanted to be beside the shoe rack. Something pricks Nayeon's heart when she sees that her picture with Jeongyeon that was framed and hung just beside the TV was missing. In fact, all of the picture frames that has Jeongyeon's face in it, were gone. Nayeon walks fast towards their kitchen to see Jeongyeon's pink mickey mouse apron gone from the side of the fridge. She runs to their bedroom to see nothing but her things, her bunny plushie all alone in the middle of the bed, with a letter sticking out from its mouth.  
  
 _“Angels deserve nothing but to be free. Be free, my angel. I’ll be okay. I’ll be here even if you won’t be anymore. Create another world with someone else and be happy with them, okay? Don’t ever leave your world this time.”_


End file.
